SEPTEMBER

how the time passed away, all the trouble that we gave, and all those days we spent out by the lake… has it all gone to waste, all the promises we made? one by one, they vanish just the same… of all the things I still remember, summers never looked the same, the years go by and time just seems to fly, but the memories remain, in the middle of September, we’d still play out in the rain, nothing to lose but everything to gain, reflecting now on how things could’ve been, it was worth it in the end…

This song has been haunting me for the last year. In the best way possible, but I don’t know why. Last year, I was in the throes of this dark night, I was sitting on the couch in a Las Vegas hotel listening to music, while everyone else was napping. I was playing a game on my phone and this song shuffled in my earbuds. From the first guitar riff I got a rush of chills up my spine that made their way through my entire face, and tears started pouring out of my eyes. This song never had any effect on me other than me really liking it. I was sobbing. Since everyone was sound asleep, I hid in the bathroom and I FaceTimed with my best friend since childhood. And she talked me through whatever breakdown I was having like a champ, but seriously I had no idea where it came from.

I had mentioned it at a Reiki session because I couldn’t forget about it. And if I remember correctly, I cried again while talking about it. She told me to dig in and see maybe what the song was written about and maybe that would give me some answers. So I did. And one line always hits me right in the eyeballs every time I hear it… “Yeah, we knew we had to leave this town, but we never knew when and we never knew how, we would end up here the way we are…” So I dug in. And it’s obvious where the lyric came from. Daughtry grew up in a tiny town in North Carolina and knew that if he was ever going to make anything of himself, he would have to leave. Obviously. But I’m not sure how I relate to it and I’m not sure why it hits me as hard as it does at this time in my life.

I went on with my life, this song and my new reaction to it always floating around in my grey matter. Every time it shuffles and I am able to Google it, I do. And I try to see if there’s any other information that might trigger something in my brain that would help me figure out why every single time it shuffles I get the same reaction. Seriously, the first guitar riff and I am hit with chills up my spine and through my face. I don’t sob anymore, but a tear or two may trickle out of my eyes. Like seriously, what the fuck?!

It happened again today while I was on the train to work. And so I did my usual trip to Google and, for the first time, watched some of the interviews with Chris Daughtry explaining the meaning of the song. I proceeded to go into a Daughtry rabbit hole after, but that’s not the point here. Anyway, something he said about it made way more sense to me beyond that one line that hits me every time. The song is about being a kid and enjoying every ounce of summer. No stress, no responsibilities, just pure joy. Then September rolls around and it’s back to your regularly scheduled programming. And I remember being a kid and getting sick to my stomach a week before school started, scared to death thinking about what the school year would be like.

This whole year I’ve been figuring out a lot of shit about myself. And although anxiety seems to be the shining star of the show right now, it seems that it was always there and I never named it. Every night before the first day of school, I couldn’t sleep. Up all night with reeling thoughts that I couldn’t control. Does any of this sound familiar?! Jesus! Honestly, I’m writing this out and just completely flabbergasting myself. Maybe this song has been trying to push me, even more, into the childhood shit that I never even thought to give a second thought to.

The moment that adulthood creeps in and your summers are no different, it sucks. I remember the first big girl job I had, and realizing that summer as an adult with a job just meant you went to work in very hot weather. Your weekends become the lifeblood that keeps you going in the rat race that life has now become. And that’s such a fucking downer. Once you get to that point, there is really no turning back. And you immediately realize why the adults in your life didn’t really give a shit about your great day when theirs was exactly the same as it was the day before… So yea, childhood summers were everything. And maybe we need to be reminded of the nostalgia of all of it. Because it was fucking glorious. “Now the days are so long that summer’s moving on, we reach for something that’s already gone…”

I am still not entirely sure why this song is haunting me, but after writing this out, I think it’s trying to remind me of something. So I’m going to lean in. And I’m going to dig a little deeper, because maybe I’m moving in the right direction? I don’t know, but it’s trying to tell me something. I have been stuck in this endless loop of the same thing day in and day out for so long, that maybe I just need to be reminded of a time that I was carefree. There are just so many cares now that everything feels so goddamn heavy. And maybe it’s trying to remind me of a time where life was much, much lighter? I don’t fucking know LOL. But I’m kind of glad I went down this rabbit hole. I remembered a LOT Of things that really made me smile, and I hope if you also went down the rabbit hole, you thought of some things(s) that really made you smile.

As always, thanks for reading. I’m always here if you need me.

now it all seems so clear, there’s nothing left to fear, so we made our way by finding what was real… now the days are so long that summer’s moving on, we reach for something that’s already gone, yeah… of all the things I still remember summers never looked the same, the years go by and time just seems to fly, but the memories remain… in the middle of September, we’d still play out in the rain, nothing to lose, but everything to gain, reflecting now on how things could’ve been, it was worth it in the end… yeah, we knew we had to leave this town, but we never knew when, and we never knew how, we would end up here the way we are…

Song name: SEPTEMBER/ Artist: Daughtry/ Year: 2009